(NOTE: This is a somewhat begun version of a talk)

Ok. It’s time for a brief reality check. We’ve been through a lot of stuff thus far. We’ve talked a lot about the darkness in our lives… some of us took the opportunity to be released from that darkness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation last night. This morning we’ve talked a lot about God, His existence as a community of persons, about His family. And just before lunch, we all had the opportunity to ‘sign up’ for that family. To give or reaffirm our ‘YES’ to this whole Christianity thing.

So, what does it MEAN? What does it mean to BE a Christian? If you ask CNN, you’ll get a couple of different visions: you’ve got the zealot on their soap box, you’ve got the ‘fallen holy example’… priests in sexual abuse scandals, embezzlement from church coffers, people offering a ‘law and order’ view of the world (who wag the finger at the slightest transgression)… the list goes on.

Let’s take a more positive (not to mention, inspired) view of what it means to be Christian:

Here’s what Paul says in his letter to the Collosians:

As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Awesome, isn’t it? What would it be like to live in a community like that? Well… I can tell you. I’ve lived there… though usually for only 5 minutes at a time. See… I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by amazing Christian communities since I was in High school. From my high school church group, to the youth group, to my Christian fraternity, to this TEC community. Each one of these has… at times… looked like Paul’s vision that I just read to you.

So, where does that leave us?

Just like in the Covenant rite, how you didn’t sign the Book of Life alone, you can’t live out this life alone. We must find these communities like my Fraternity… like TEC. We must find Godly friends… people who can “teach and admonish us in all wisdom”.

Thankfully, I’ve got a couple of those. The one that get’s mentioned the most is my friend Ed Graham… though we called him Cracker. Unfortunately, I get to see him once a year if I’m lucky. See… he’s a misionary in China… and China doesn’t look favorably upon Christian missionaries. Ed and I got close late in his Freshman and my Sophomore year of college. As usual, he was pining over some girl… So, we started talking. Though things really took off when he and I and and a guy named Andy were in an accountability group. We laughed, we nearly cried (hey… we’re guys), we put on talent show skits… but we got close. He’s one of the few people who can just intuitively read me. Who can tell that something is going on… Like when I saw him in September. He was back in the states trying to raise support, and we went out for sushi. As the conversation twisted it’s way around raw tuna and salmon, he just asked how my spiritual life was going. See… he knew that something was up… (he had asked the question 3 times I think). And I finally told him.

See… this past year was a tremendous struggle for me. From close sets of friends rupturing over 2 peoples … uh… challenges with a relationship… to the girl I thought I was going to marry breaking up with me… to another really close friend completely rejecting all faith and choosing to follow myth instead… Even the opportunity to go to Europe for 2 weeks, culminating in World Youth Day was barely enough to lift my spirits.

One continuing theme through my life is the few people who I DO manage to get close to, end up being pulled out of my life. 2 or 3 have gone away to Seminary, one is a missionary in China (see above), and several have gotten married. With my friend rejecting the faith… well… that was one of the most total pull outs I’ve experienced. The missionary is still a distant presence. The priests, I can still talk to about matters of faith. But when he ripped up the very foundation of his soul… it can be hard to have the serious conversations that keep any friendship worth having for any length of time.

So Ed asked me how my spiritual life was going. My first summary was “Don’t worry about me too much.”

Another challenge that I’ve been dealing with is women. Well… maybe ‘woman’ would be nearer to the truth. As I said a minute ago, I seriously thought that I would marry her. We were dating through the spring and summer of last year, but she broke up with me just before I left for Europe. She didn’t feel like God was calling her to be in the relationship. So, first I have a significant decrease in the amount of intimacy in my life. Second, someone who I spent a lot of time with disappears, so I had a lot of ‘down time’. Third, and most devastating… when I said I thought that I was going to marry her, I was pretty convinced that God wanted us to get married. So, when it became obvious that I was wrong in that conviction… my faith struggled a lot.

It’s important not to let forthcoming graces become a foundation of our faith. Because it just might not be God’s will for that grace to be given to us. So, here I was, without a date, without a clue what to do next.

So Ed asked me how my spiritual life was going. My second summary was “Don’t worry too much. I’m still hanging on.”

And this whole SNAFU with my friends. As one who wasn’t popular in my formative years, the people who I do get close with mean a lot to me, and those bonds mean a lot. When they’re broken… Well, that cuts me pretty deep.

So Ed asked me how my spiritual life was going. My final summary was “Don’t worry too much. I’m still hanging on. It may be by the fingertips, but I’m still gripping.”

Friends and Family that you allow to hold you accountable are tremendously important. I hadn’t admitted, even to myself, how much I was stuggling… until Ed asked. Even if he’s not here, that question, that answer, have stayed with me, helping me to come to a little resolution on some of those challenges I mentioned earlier.

But that’s the ticket. I don’t know how you are feeling right now. I’m not sure where you are in your faith as a Christian. Some may be feeling euphoria over letting some darkness out last night. Some may be sitting back and still evaluating what’s going on. Some may be skeptical about any good coming from this weekend. As for your Christianity, some may have agreed to this whole church thing 2 hours ago at the covenant rite. Some may have been active Christian leaders for decades. Some may not have decided at all.

We all go through high points and low points. Some may be feeling the total mountain top experience. For myself, the past year has been much more ‘the valley of the shadow of death.’

My favorite author CS Lewis in the Screwtape Letters called it ‘The Law of Undulation’. That’s a fancy way of saying the only constant is change. Lewis pointed out that we naturally go through highs and lows in our lives. The temptation that we often face is the silent assumption that when we feel that ‘high’, that we’re close to God. And when we don’t feel it, that we’re far away. A song I like by Caedmon’s Call mentions “And I mistake my happiness for blessing.”

Faith can’t be solely supported by feeling. There’s a reason that God’s favorite metaphor for the Christian life is a marriage… though it’s more correct to say that a marriage is the closest image we have to what our relationship to Christ is like… Marriage’s aren’t supported by feeling. People can’t be in that sickeningly sweet ‘in love’ state all the time. It’s not possible. However, to LOVE someone doesn’t mean what the romantic movies portray… remember the vows: For Better, For Worse. For Richer, for poorer. In Good Times, and in Bad. It doesn’t say ‘as long as I feel passionate arousal in your presence.

Sometimes we’re going to ‘go through the motions’. we’ll go through the motions even though we don’t feel a sense of joy coming from them. For the past little while, my prayer life has been quite dry. I go to mass every week. I hit adoration 3 or so times a month at Spirit and Truth. I say a daily Rosary on my way to work each morning. But partially because of all these challenges that I’ve mentioned, and partially for reasons I don’t understand, it’s been dry.

But I keep doing it. I do it because I’ve decided to love Jesus. Not because I’m ‘in love with Him.’. I do it because I feel like He wants me to be doing them. ‘Going through the motions’ isn’t always a bad thing. It’s something to recognize that we’re doing, and try to set right, but another CS Lewis quote comes to mind: “Just because you’re doing the right thing for the wrong reason, doesn’t mean you should stop doing the right thing.”

That’s not to say that faith is somber or melancholy. ‘Mopey Christians’ aren’t what Jesus calls us to be… the reason I’m focusing on that is that I’m going through a bit of a long dry spell. I’m not sure if it qualifies for St. John of the Cross’ ‘Dark Night of the Soul’, but it certainly is one of the… lower parts of my faith journey.

That journey started a long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. I became a Catholic in High school. I claim the title of convert, though it’s a bit more hazy than that, since I was so young. The reason I stayed Catholic, despite some VERY persuasive and articulate protestants is that every time I went looking for an answer, I was able to find one. It might have taken some time and effort, but the Church always had an answer for her faith. I was challenged on the Deutrocannon (the 6 books and additions to two others that the Catholic bible has, and protestants don’t… they call it the apocrypha), I was challenged on Mary, I was challenged on the saints, I was challenged over icons, you name it, I was challenged on it.

But that brings up another reason our community… our family is important. When we’re challenged in the faith, either with questions of theology, or with questions about dating, or with questions about work, we must have people we trust around us. “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” as scripture tells us in Ecclesiastes. If we don’t have that, we risk being swayed by any challenge comes to us.

Finally, here’s a few notes about some ‘types’ of people we need to have in our communities. Someone once said that we each need a Paul, a Barnabas and a Timothy. That is to say a Teacher, and Encourager, and someone to teach. Paul was an amazingly learned Jew. After Jesus whumped him upside the head on the way to Damascus, he proved to be an amazingly effective teacher, because of his vast knowledge of what we call the Old Testament. Though remember… before Paul was a Christian… he was named ‘Saul’… and was quite the threat to the Christian community. It was Barnabas who initially trusted Saul, and brought him to the other apostles. Barnabas known as the great encourager. And Timothy is Paul’s protoge’. Timothy traveled with Paul as his assistant for quite a while, before being set up as the Bishop of Crete.

There are people who have taught me amazing things both personally and spiritually. Some are authors I’ll never meet like CS Lewis. Others like Fr. Linus, Greg Hiebert and Debi Montelongo are still present in my life. They are my Paul’s.

I journey with some close friends, Ruth Ann, Sandra, Josh, Spencer, the afore mentioned Cracker… each one of them helps me to stay on the right track, and guide me back when I leave it. They are my Barnabas’s.

In my life, I end up teaching people about the scriptures, and great authors. These people are my Timothy’s.

Who are your Paul’s? Who are your Barnabas’s? Your Timothy’s? They may already be in your life, but that doesn’t mean your search is done for them. We’ll find them on our journey, sometimes in unexpected places… Debi Montelongo found me outside of St. Anns one night. She had seen my cross and wondered if I would be interested in helping out with this thing called a TEC retreat.

Right now, we’re going to go back into the Chapel. See… when there’s trouble in our life, God wants us to talk to Him about it. It will get better when we do. I don’t promise that it’ll get better NOW, but it’ll get better. I’m going in there to talk to Him about my struggles. To talk to Him about my challenges. To talk to him about my prayer life, my friends who are running from each other… my friend that has walked away from the faith. I’m going to talk to him about all of you. That you may find the community, and the support that you need to live this Christian life. So that you can start to live up to the ideal image that God has of you… that ideal that He’s slowly molding you into. We’ll go in there, and kneel before Him in the Blessed Sacrament. And there will be a time for silent prayer, and an opportunity for us to speak out individually our prayers… if we feel called to do so.

Let’s go.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Previous drafts/contents
Probably a few things. Remember, the passage I just quoted doesn’t speak about those around us being ‘clothed in compassion’. It doesn’t say our neighbor must ‘let the word of Christ dwell in him richly’. St. Paul is talking to me. He’s talking to you.

How many of us live that way? I can do it for… about 5 minutes at a time. How many of us see each other as living out our lives that way?

It starts in community. This is at once easy and hard for me to say. On one hand, I have been blessed to be surounded by amazing Christian communities since I was in High school. From my high school church group, to the youth group, to my christian fraternity, to this TEC community. Each one of these has meant a lot too me over the years, and been a tremendous source of blessings and love.

On the other hand, I am an almost militantly private person. I’m quiet by nature, and not prone to mentioning details about my life in conversation. I’m a pretty good listener, and would much rather hear about your life than talk about my own. So, this makes it rather challenging for me to get close to people. Sometimes it’s amazing to me that this community accepts me, and lets me be a leader in it.

How do we live together in community? How do we live in communion with people who annoy the snot out of us?

I stand on a road divided. This past year has been shaken my faith to the core. There have been days of drama on the high seas, there have been close friends of mine fighting, and eventually one of them fell away from the faith completely. A set of guys and a set of girls that used to be nearly brothers and sisters has shattered and broken into schism over a single dating relationship that went south. By my silence, I enabled harm to come to someone I hold dear.
The amazing thing however is that God doesn’t see just our failings. He doesn’t see our sins. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” says Psalm 103. So, if God has removed our transgressions, what does He see? Someone once said that He sees us as an ideal.

So, if God sees us as an ideal… as all that we can be, how
It is
forgiveness

Let’s think back a little bit. Yesterday, we talked a lot about spiritual dying. We talked about struggles that have been overcome, and some that we haven’t finished dealing with yet. We talked about our failures.

Then we had an opportunity to talk to God about getting over the failures on Reconciliation.

Today, we’ve talked about how God is a community of love in His very being. We then talked about how this community could be seen in creation… especially of families, and of the communion of Saints. And in the Covenant rite, we had some confusion in what the two prayer requests were, and more importantly, we had an opportunity to ‘sign on’ for this family of God.

So now what?

The really short version is just as this family gathered together to enter, reenter, or reaffirm your life as a Christian, you won’t be able to live that life without your Christian family.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Notes from the outline
“Each of us is an ideal in the mind and heart of God.”

“Can’t live out this ‘Christ-Life’ except in the midst of our new found family.”

“We must be a source of comfort, affirmation and Joy to all with whom we live.” We don’t all come from good families. Even ‘good’ families have messes and baggage. Even this new family has messes and baggage.

“This meditation…removes some of the false images of what is called for in being a Christian”

Sketch Faith Memories of relationships which changed how I imaged God. Sketch how their attitude towards Christ changed

Sketch how I came to the personal conviction that relationship with Christ is what gives ultimate meaning to life. This is a gradual realization

Create a list of people who have modeled Christ

Christian life is a prayer life, communial, personal, etc.

God’s will, not our will. Ongoing commitment of time and energy. Loving God and loving others (vulnerability). Challenging us to be honest, generous, and faithful. Ultimately, every love leads to the cross. Daily dying to self.

Christian life is not 1) Law and order christians 2) the soap box christian 3) busy bee christian 4) the jesus freak.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Paul Barnabus and Timothy

Someone once said that we all need a Paul, a Barnabus, and a Timothy. Paul was an apostle, and teacher, someone that had something to teach ANYONE. Barnabus was Paul’s’ traveling companion; a partner on the road. Timothy was Paul’s protégé. We need to find similar people in our lives. Great teachers, trusted companions, and people to guide further along the way.

There are people who have taught me amazing things personally and spiritually. Some are authors I’ll never meet like CS Lewis. Others like Fr. Linus and Debi Montelongo are still present in my life. They are my Paul’s.

I journey with some close friends, Ruth Ann, Sandra, Spencer, Louie. Each one of them helps me to stay on the right track, and to guide me back when I leave it. They are my Barnabus’s.

In my life, I end up teaching people about scriptures, and great authors. These people are my Timothy’s.

Who are your Paul’s, your Barnabus’s, your Timothy’s? They may already be in your life, but that doesn’t mean your search is done for them… We’ll find them on our journey, sometimes in unexpected places… like Debi outside of that Mass, asking me to join TEC.